I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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