Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
