i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
