I think my fart just growled at me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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