The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize