someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
