I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
