Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
