She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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