I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
