i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Drake has all the answers
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
