I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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