giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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