just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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