Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
