You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize