We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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