everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
