mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
