Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize