I wish you could order shots online.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
