Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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