Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
