Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
