you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
