His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize