Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
