just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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