You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
