You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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