dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
