turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
