I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
