You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
