Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
