New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
