The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
