we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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