I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You did what with his pubic hair?
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