that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
