My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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