He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
