I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
