wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
