He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
