If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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