You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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