when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
