I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
