I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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