If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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