no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
