im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
