All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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