I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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