Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
