There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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