i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
