My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
