Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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