i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize