Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
