After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
