Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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