What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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