you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
