I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
