Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
