I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
