the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
