Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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