I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
