Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
