Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She even gives head with a lisp.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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