I wish my penis had an off switch
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
