Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
